Saturday, July 31, 2010

Nations Editors Abdicate Duty To Snooki

(an Onion parody)
Dateline: New York

In case you were confused as to how our esteemed leader could know the names of notable cultural institutions like Jay-Z but feign ignorance when asked about Snooki on The View, we now have more insight. This weeks premiere of The Jersey Shore began with Snooki packing up for a reunion with her Guido pals in Miami, she tells the camera "I am bringing tons of bronzer with me since I am no longer going to tanning salons. I ain't going since Obama started to tax them. Of course he doesn't have to tan, just look at him".

Bravo Snookster, the only person (outside of a few well written blogs) to mention the tanning tax and its implied racist overtones. When asked for comment, editors of our countries newspapers started staring at their shoes and mumbled something before running away to hide their heads in the soil of the nearest office plant.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

X-Grown Ups

I saw a flyer for a water balloon fight this weekend, not for kids but for grown men and women. Whimsical, sure , but it is also a bad sign. People are just not growing up. There is even a movie out right now called Grown Ups that seems to confirm what I am saying.

Look at the X Games, I guess it's not much different from any professional sport that pays grown men to play games that are really meant for children, but there is something just so stupid looking of a 20 year old on a tiny BMX bike or a 30 something skateboarding around like he is a ten year old popping over to the local park to trade baseball cards and drink soda pop. At least to me, they look absurd, sort of like Boy Scouts who stay on long past the point where they look stupid in little brown shorts so they can make Eagle Scout. Sometimes you just have to know when to hang up childhood pastimes. Maybe that's why people have kids of their own, then they don't look ridiculous on the ball field when they are teaching their own sons and daughters how to hit a ball.