Sunday, November 25, 2007

Who Cares?

A-Rod goes to Mudhens

I think the Yankees best move during the off season was
GETTING rid of that good for nothing A-Rod. Getting him
back ensures only another "almost ran" year. For the
price of one guy who does well in meaningless games but
is a proven chocker when it counts you could have gotten
two first class pitchers or three very good ones.

What I don't understand is why don't they just sit him
down in the playoffs? He sucks, year after year he can't
hack the pressure. Everyone I say this too says "Oh you
can't do that? he's a marquis player." So? If I buy a
wrench at Home Depot and it's great for fixing things
around my house but can't help me to fix my car do I
continue using that tool on the car and risk damaging it
or do I use a better wrench when I doing that specific
task? What's the problem here, you might hurt the $350
million players feelings? It's a business folks, the
only ones stupid enough to care about outcomes are the
fans who pay for the trinkets with the Yankee logo on
them or the even more deluded fans who actually buy over
priced tickets to sit in the South Bronx and swig $8
paper cups of watered down Miller. Fuck all of that
noise, sports, all sports is a waste of time and money.

OK, now let me see who is playing football today. I hope
those loser Jets can find a new even more humiliating
way to lose. Maybe they can snatch another loss from the
jaws of victory this afternoon. Man, if there is one
thing following that team has taught me, sports is for
playing, not watching. Want to waste a couple of
meaningless hours in the comfort of your own home, maybe
with some snacks and friends? By all means do so, just
don't waste one cent or one tear or emotion for players
and teams that could care less if you live or die. As
the gangster in A Bronx Tale correctly surmised "Mickey
Mantle don't care about you". If the Yankees or Jets win
on Sunday doesn't really change the fact that you still
have to go to work on Monday. Mickey Mantle ain't
putting any food on your table. If anything, he's taking
it off!

One more thing, Guinie Joe and the Yankees obvioiusly
didn't want to be on the same team anymore. If Torre
wanted to manage, he would have taken that offer. If the
Yankees wanted him back, they would have made sure he
was happy. As is, both made a huge mistake I think. We
shall see.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

Indian Chief "Two Eagles" was asked by a white government official,
"You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars
and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the
damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then
calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it,
no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water.
Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day
hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough
to think he improve system like that."

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


I can't stop laughing ever since a friend clued me in on this latest drug craze. It may or may not be true but from what I know it comes from the slums of Africa and is made with human waste. I only wish I could be clever enough to make something like this up. But what I am capable of adding is song parodies based on the fad.

(sung to the tune of Elton John's Rocket Man)

Gonna be a long long time,
Jenkem gonna get you high tonight
because I'm a butt crack man
Butt crack man
burning out of ass at night
I'm a butt crack man

(Sung to the tune of Mr. Brownstone by GNR)

I use to do a little
but a little got more and more
So I did a little more and more got more and more

He's been dancing
with Mr. Jenkem
He's been sniffin'
at yo' back door

Hughey Lewis missed a golden opportunity, they can make
a comeback with this ode to Jenkem!

I wanna new drug
One that will make me sick
make me hallucinate
and comes from my own shit

I wanna new drug
one that makes my face turn blue
makes me freakin vommit
like I vommit when I'm with you

or Carl's parody of Michael Jackson

"We are the World,
we are brown children,
let's all get a big bag of shit,
and let's start sniffing

There's a choice were making,
we're smelling our own ass,
It's true, it makes a better day
for just me"