It's getting near time to go home and I have a nasty shit brewing. I figure I can last until I get home but every once in a while I let some real nastiness fly. Luckily by now the workspace is empty. I make it to the elevator bank when I feel a particularly odoriferous one coming on. I save it and hope the elevator is clear. It opens, and it is empty. I get in and let loose. I figure when I get out in the lobby no one will notice. Then the problem, the elevator stops on the very next floor. A nicely dressed older black lady is standing outside. I am too nervous to do much but to open my arms in a grand welcoming gesture. As soon as the doors close I notice from the corner of my eye that her face is contorting in gross disfigurement. She tries to mutter under her breath but when she moans "Dear God" it is clearly audible and directed at me. All I could do from laughing was to rush out as soon as the ground floor was hit. I ran home and nearly had a convulsion on the train from laughing so hard. I mean the poor woman was praying to her deity for relief that was not to come. Oh man, I'm still chuckling.
6 comments:
LOL, i had to wipe a tear away on that one
Why didn't you just go to the bathroom to unleash hell?
That story made my morning . There is no soul on this earth that can write a story like that but Vlad - I had to stuff napkins in my mouth to mute my laughter , ( as I work in a very quiet office )It was like a scene from a movie , ( eg Animal House type ), and I am still laughing . I printed it out so I could look at it when I need a laugh...I think it will find a home in my glove compartment !
Thanks ,
I laughed my ass off all the way home yesterday. I told the story to Motorhead Mike in person but I was wondering if it would have the same effect being written down. I'm glad it did.
I too have blown ass in an elevator only to have it stop at the next floor. Luckily, it wasn't of the corpse-smelling variety. The thing was, I didn't know what I was working with that day, and it was a very real possibility that the person could have walked into a toxic gas chamber.
Excellent. I always love hearing reports from out in the the field. Keep up the good work.
- Big George
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